.....then we wouldn't need Him.

I love going to counseling conferences and this was my first time to attend AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors.) There are (usually) great classes offering a fire hose of information for both professional and personal development. This particular one had some really exciting speakers, authors, pastors and colleagues that I respect very much.  After a couple of weeks to digest it all, I kept thinking of one thing John Ortberg (a pastor, theologian and author) said at the first plenary session. I couldn't shake it. The next day, author and Proverbs 31 creator Lysa Terkeurst said something very similar and I couldn't get it off my mind. After a couple of weeks, it is still rumbling around in my head. The summary of their comments was this:

If we aren't broken, then we don't need Jesus. 

Am I communicating my need for Jesus? Or do I go around (on social media/at work/in relationships) pretending as if I have it all together thinking that will draw people to Faith? They'll see that I have it all together and want the same thing. Ugh. I know I've done this. I want to change it. I am desperate for Jesus. The End. 

I am definitely broken. I need Jesus every moment of every day. He doesn't force his way on me though, I find the Spirit to be more of a quiet nudge in the right direction. We live in a wild, wonderful, beautiful, broken, messed up, unbelievably harsh world. I think of how blessed my kids are to go to bed in a clean, warm home every night while our five year old sponsor child from Africa needs one pair shoes for Christmas. He has one pair! My kids can't find one shoe of their five pairs each as they run to the bus that picks them up in the back yard (for pete's sake!) and takes them to an awesome public school where all of their academic, social and emotional needs are met 8 hours a day. I can't even deal. We are so blessed. We have so many things to be grateful for. This is the question I found myself asking then after the conference: I'm a really communicating my need for a Savior? Or pat me on the back, I've got this one figured out. 

I love Jen Hatmaker's take on church people in her latest book, For The Love.
"We don't even know what we don't know. Our blind spots are so terribly blind. Some of the rightest rights turned out wrong. Some of the rightest theologians are on the opposite sides of doctrine. Some of the rightest leaders break people in the wake of their intellect...The condescending way we speak to each other, correct publicly, nitpick and criticize, question and disapprove, waiving the benefit of the doubt- is just gross. It's why so many observers pass this family all together."

Again. Ugh. Judgey McJudgerson will tell you that how you cook, clean, school, relax, don't relax, exercise, don't exercise, parent, be married, be single, be WHO YOU ARE and it is probably wrong. You could always be doing it better.  

I shouldn't really be on Facebook or Instagram, I should just really be on a highlight reel of Pinterest fails. I'm usually in yoga pants, in my dirty minivan and cooking from allrecipes.com. (Thank you inventor of all those things.)

So, back to John and Lysa's question for us at the conference- am I communicating my brokenness in a way that other people can feel my need for a Savior? Do they see me walking around sour faced and bitter in the midst of blessings? Do my kids see me battle the flesh with the grace of the Spirit? Does my husband? 

I think for now, while I'm working through this one- I'm going to camp out on Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O Man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

What does the Lord require? What do I need? Act justly. Love mercy. Walk in humility. THIS shows them Jesus. Not some made up story about how I think I've figured it all out.  I absolutely love my job, but sometimes being a therapist can be the most completely depressing experience. I know Jeff feels this way in the hospital sometimes too. While it is a privilege to walk with hurting people, it can drain and hurt me. So, since practicing boundaries and helping my clients focus on the positive is a critical part of my job, I think I'm going to work on the same thing with them. A practice of gratitude. A spirit of joy. These things aren't made up. They don't take my extra strength or knowledge. They take release. In her calming voice my yoga teacher says, "surrender to the stretch". She's right. And my hamstrings are grateful.  

Not to belabor my fandom here but, as Jen Hatmaker says, "May the world see a thankful, committed family who loves their God, adores their Savior, and can't get enough of one another. This is the story that saves, a story that heals, and the right story to tell."

Ephesians 1: 17, 18
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the HOPE to which he has called you."

Parenting Books

One of my favorite things to do is curl up with a great book. Because I am a family therapist I often end up reading things on parenting, marriage, etc. This week I'm reading a great book on parenting teen girls. If you've read it, please leave a comment in the comments section on what you gleaned from the book. Thanks for stopping by!

Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabees, Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

http://rosalindwiseman.com/queen-bees-and-wannabes/ 

season after season

The last few mornings have been cooler in temperature and I can see the changes in the leaves on the aspen trees in our yard. There's just a hint of yellow coming in various spots. I miss summer every time it leaves us, but I love fall just as much and every pumpkin-spice-cinnamon-scented-baked-muffin-fall-leaf-arrangement part of it. I'm not a great baker, but for some reason I'll try more in the fall. It has got to be the fact that there are pumpkin spice white chocolate chips in a bag and I know there must be something I can make with them. FYI, the scones were dry, but the pancakes turned out really well. 

The change in the leaves and cooler temps made me think of how when the seasons change, there is a letting go of sorts, of surrender to something coming down the road and it led me to Romans 11:29, "for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." My mind stayed on that word -irrevocable- for a few days this week, so I looked it up on the all knowing dictionary.com. 

adjective

1. not able to be changed, reversed, or recovered; final.

   "an irrevocable step"

   synonyms:irreversible, unalterable, unchangeable, immutable, final, binding,permanent, 
2. carved in stone; 

   peremptory

   "an irrevocable commitment"     

It left me thinking about the seasons in my life where I felt like God had left me or I felt lost. I'm starting to understand that it ALWAYS me who walks away, who takes a break, who doesn't want to think about the spiritual, harder things. And it is Jesus, who patiently waits for me to return. My days, my purpose, my calling are laid out behind and before me. Have I recognized and leaned in to what they were trying to teach me? Honestly, I think I've spent a majority of the time running from one to the next to survive it. I am disappointed that I wasted that time. I wish I had leaned further into Ephesians 4:1  when it says, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."  I read that today and realized that the word received is the past tense- so it is true that I had and have what I need  be present and available and do that jobs I've been given for season that I am in. I am not a prisoner to my feelings on the subject. (for more on this, see Shelia Walsh's newest Bible Study, The Storm Inside, Trading the Chaos of How You Feel for the Truth of Who You Are.)

I love the comfort Christ offers us in this verse from Hebrews, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (italics mine)

Jesus has made an irrevocable commitment to us. He stands with you in your situation, in your diagnosis, he knows what you need. He may be asking you to grow in it for a while or to move through to the other side. For me, it is finding my way in the mythical balance of career, parenting and taking care of my family's health by:

*not over-scheduling them

*being present (and not on my phone)

*taking time to really see and listen to my kids and my husband

*giving them opportunities to fail so that they can learn from it

  I don't want to waste time speaking to my kids in superlatives, I want to show them how grace and confidence change me. 

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

too far in the same direction

I normally like to take off for a run in the early morning, especially in the summer and fall before it gets too warm and the rattle snakes come out on our little mountain to sun themselves. We live in a neighborhood that has a beautiful but tricky mountain trail, a bit rocky and rolling uphill, but really fun on the way back down. I took off on the late side of the morning- it was already too warm and I didn't have any water with me. I planned to run only 2 or 3 miles. I happened to be listening to music and cruising along when I realized that I was getting really thirsty and according to my running app, was three miles from home. My heart fluttered at the thought that I was already overheated and had to either run or walk home to get the water I needed. Although I seriously considered asking another runner for a sip when he ran by. 

I made my way back down the trail walking more than jogging and daydreaming about a big glass of ice water. By the time I made it home, the sun was hot, I was feeling a bit faint and 3 large glasses of water barely quenched my thirst. My kids kept asking if I was alright- as I laid on the floor of my porch for somewhere around 15 minutes. I was fine- but mad at myself for not listening to that voice that said, "it's hot, bring water", or looking at my running app along the way. I went too far for too long in the same direction and had to make my way back. There wasn't another option. 

As I laid in the shade recovering, I thought about how long I've wanted to do this thing called ministry. I have loved my sometimes painful and awkward journey as a therapist, mom,  wife and worship leader. I am privy to a lot of stories from people walking (or running) for too long in the same direction. They come to therapy because they are ready to turn and try something new. It is my dream to try this new thing-get out there and see where God takes it. 

As fearful as I am of judgement for not always knowing my way around this thing called life, I know that I love sharing ways that we can find hope, healing and laughter. Fear has kept me traveling for too long in the other direction. I'm ready to try something new. 

Thanks for stopping by and traveling with me. I hope to see you back here for weekly posts! I'm planning to include good info for you- quality articles and links to resources, mental health research and information, family fun ideas, recipes, family stories and guest bloggers. 

Take Good Care-

Sarah