The last few mornings have been cooler in temperature and I can see the changes in the leaves on the aspen trees in our yard. There's just a hint of yellow coming in various spots. I miss summer every time it leaves us, but I love fall just as much and every pumpkin-spice-cinnamon-scented-baked-muffin-fall-leaf-arrangement part of it. I'm not a great baker, but for some reason I'll try more in the fall. It has got to be the fact that there are pumpkin spice white chocolate chips in a bag and I know there must be something I can make with them. FYI, the scones were dry, but the pancakes turned out really well.
The change in the leaves and cooler temps made me think of how when the seasons change, there is a letting go of sorts, of surrender to something coming down the road and it led me to Romans 11:29, "for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." My mind stayed on that word -irrevocable- for a few days this week, so I looked it up on the all knowing dictionary.com.
adjective
not able to be changed, reversed, or recovered; final.
"an irrevocable step"
synonyms:irreversible, unalterable, unchangeable, immutable, final, binding,permanent,- carved in stone;
"an irrevocable commitment"
It left me thinking about the seasons in my life where I felt like God had left me or I felt lost. I'm starting to understand that it ALWAYS me who walks away, who takes a break, who doesn't want to think about the spiritual, harder things. And it is Jesus, who patiently waits for me to return. My days, my purpose, my calling are laid out behind and before me. Have I recognized and leaned in to what they were trying to teach me? Honestly, I think I've spent a majority of the time running from one to the next to survive it. I am disappointed that I wasted that time. I wish I had leaned further into Ephesians 4:1 when it says, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." I read that today and realized that the word received is the past tense- so it is true that I had and have what I need be present and available and do that jobs I've been given for season that I am in. I am not a prisoner to my feelings on the subject. (for more on this, see Shelia Walsh's newest Bible Study, The Storm Inside, Trading the Chaos of How You Feel for the Truth of Who You Are.)
I love the comfort Christ offers us in this verse from Hebrews, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (italics mine)
Jesus has made an irrevocable commitment to us. He stands with you in your situation, in your diagnosis, he knows what you need. He may be asking you to grow in it for a while or to move through to the other side. For me, it is finding my way in the mythical balance of career, parenting and taking care of my family's health by:
*not over-scheduling them
*being present (and not on my phone)
*taking time to really see and listen to my kids and my husband
*giving them opportunities to fail so that they can learn from it
I don't want to waste time speaking to my kids in superlatives, I want to show them how grace and confidence change me.
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin