I love going to counseling conferences and this was my first time to attend AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors.) There are (usually) great classes offering a fire hose of information for both professional and personal development. This particular one had some really exciting speakers, authors, pastors and colleagues that I respect very much. After a couple of weeks to digest it all, I kept thinking of one thing John Ortberg (a pastor, theologian and author) said at the first plenary session. I couldn't shake it. The next day, author and Proverbs 31 creator Lysa Terkeurst said something very similar and I couldn't get it off my mind. After a couple of weeks, it is still rumbling around in my head. The summary of their comments was this:
If we aren't broken, then we don't need Jesus.
Am I communicating my need for Jesus? Or do I go around (on social media/at work/in relationships) pretending as if I have it all together thinking that will draw people to Faith? They'll see that I have it all together and want the same thing. Ugh. I know I've done this. I want to change it. I am desperate for Jesus. The End.
I am definitely broken. I need Jesus every moment of every day. He doesn't force his way on me though, I find the Spirit to be more of a quiet nudge in the right direction. We live in a wild, wonderful, beautiful, broken, messed up, unbelievably harsh world. I think of how blessed my kids are to go to bed in a clean, warm home every night while our five year old sponsor child from Africa needs one pair shoes for Christmas. He has one pair! My kids can't find one shoe of their five pairs each as they run to the bus that picks them up in the back yard (for pete's sake!) and takes them to an awesome public school where all of their academic, social and emotional needs are met 8 hours a day. I can't even deal. We are so blessed. We have so many things to be grateful for. This is the question I found myself asking then after the conference: I'm a really communicating my need for a Savior? Or pat me on the back, I've got this one figured out.
I love Jen Hatmaker's take on church people in her latest book, For The Love.
"We don't even know what we don't know. Our blind spots are so terribly blind. Some of the rightest rights turned out wrong. Some of the rightest theologians are on the opposite sides of doctrine. Some of the rightest leaders break people in the wake of their intellect...The condescending way we speak to each other, correct publicly, nitpick and criticize, question and disapprove, waiving the benefit of the doubt- is just gross. It's why so many observers pass this family all together."
Again. Ugh. Judgey McJudgerson will tell you that how you cook, clean, school, relax, don't relax, exercise, don't exercise, parent, be married, be single, be WHO YOU ARE and it is probably wrong. You could always be doing it better.
I shouldn't really be on Facebook or Instagram, I should just really be on a highlight reel of Pinterest fails. I'm usually in yoga pants, in my dirty minivan and cooking from allrecipes.com. (Thank you inventor of all those things.)
So, back to John and Lysa's question for us at the conference- am I communicating my brokenness in a way that other people can feel my need for a Savior? Do they see me walking around sour faced and bitter in the midst of blessings? Do my kids see me battle the flesh with the grace of the Spirit? Does my husband?
I think for now, while I'm working through this one- I'm going to camp out on Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O Man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
What does the Lord require? What do I need? Act justly. Love mercy. Walk in humility. THIS shows them Jesus. Not some made up story about how I think I've figured it all out. I absolutely love my job, but sometimes being a therapist can be the most completely depressing experience. I know Jeff feels this way in the hospital sometimes too. While it is a privilege to walk with hurting people, it can drain and hurt me. So, since practicing boundaries and helping my clients focus on the positive is a critical part of my job, I think I'm going to work on the same thing with them. A practice of gratitude. A spirit of joy. These things aren't made up. They don't take my extra strength or knowledge. They take release. In her calming voice my yoga teacher says, "surrender to the stretch". She's right. And my hamstrings are grateful.
Not to belabor my fandom here but, as Jen Hatmaker says, "May the world see a thankful, committed family who loves their God, adores their Savior, and can't get enough of one another. This is the story that saves, a story that heals, and the right story to tell."
Ephesians 1: 17, 18
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the HOPE to which he has called you."