There has been a steady uptick of my adolescent clients over the last year, and even though they come to me because they are in a rough patch- it has been a great joy for me to work with them. I love doing therapy with teens- they are hard working, loving, funny and a bit irreverent. I am grateful to have a handful of parents that trust me with their kids- sending a child to therapy can be a nerve wracking experience for everyone involved.
The teen clients I've been seeing are between the ages of 14-19 and have some similarities this last year. Most of them are struggling with depression and/or anxiety to varying degrees. I've spoken with teachers, youth pastors, and friends raising teens and they all agree- our kids are under a lot of pressure, and they are struggling with stress, exhaustion, pressure to perform, perfection, comparison, etc.
I wanted to put together a short bullet point list of a couple things I'm learning from working with these families in hopes that it will be a helpful conversation starter for other families.
1. Chronic clinical depression and anxiety are treatable mental health issues. Families can get absolutely overwhelmed with how the symptoms are affecting their child. It is vital to reach out for help from your pediatrician, a licensed mental health provider or a psychiatrist specializing in adolescents. It is also very helpful to reach out to another family who may have been through this with their child. They can take some of the fear and stigma away. Medication can be an important part in treatment and a lifesaving option for some.
2. Have an honest conversation with your teen. Asking things like: How are things going with friends? How are you handling the pressure of social media? Is there something I can help you with? Is there anything I can do to lighten your load with school/work/peer pressure? Are we striking a balance between school/sports/arts/afterschool activities? What can we take off your plate? What can we add that would be fun for you? Can I pray with or for you?
*This is especially important if your teen is going through a period of grief after loss (death of a family member, a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a move, new school, etc).
3. You do you. My own kids and the kids I work with say they struggle with self-acceptance. The truth is we all do and giving our kids/teens permission to just be themselves is life-changing. They need to know that they are uniquely made, gifted, and called to their own life. My own kids are all so different- athletic, math minded, fashion minded, silly, serious, introverted, extroverted, two need lots of sleep, two need less sleep and I need more coffee. "Uninvited" author Lysa Terkeurst says, "Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what's been said to me." It can literally change a child's life when they know they are loved and needed for their unique contribution to this world and to our families. We can not and should not parent our kids out of a need to make them mini-me's. At the risk of ruffling feathers (aka ticking someone off) I'll say this: we can not re-create our dreams for our selves through our children. They are not you. He is not me. We set our kids free from pressure when we let them be themselves.
4. Create ample time and rest for weary teens. We are the protectors of our kid's time and helping them manage technology, social events and school work is so vital in giving them rest. Real down time, sleep and device free time are essential to good social and emotional health.
5. You are doing great! If you are concerned about your teen's mental health and paying attention to their well being, your are probably an awesome parent raising an awesome kiddo.
Thank you for stopping by the blog again- you are all such an encouragement. I hope to be doing the same for you!
A couple of books I am loving on these topics:
"The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" by Dr. Gary Chapman
"Love, Sex and Dating" by Andy Stanley (perfect for young adults/late teens)
"The Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst
"Uninvited, Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely" by Lysa Terkeurst