We are wrapping up another semester of Bible study and it has been so good. We've gotten to know each other pretty well, diving into harder topics in marriage and family life. We ended the month at brunch- having a tender conversation about how hard it is to have friendships as adult women. Standing around our hot cups of coffee- laughing, then with tears in our eyes, one of the women was sharing her story.
Left out.
Put aside.
Talked about.
Skipped over.
It prompted us into a deeper conversation about how, as adults, it feels even more tricky navigating friendships than it did in middle school. Which is definitely saying a lot. Oh, awkward growth spurts and braces, we don't miss you.
If loneliness is real for a lot of us, then what is it that we are craving? Connection. Being known. We put ourselves "out there" in hopes of making connections and sometimes it works- sometimes it doesn't. What do we do when we are swimming that "I have no friends" kind of space? I've spun there many times- with lots of moves, many years of mostly being home with our kids and well known ability to take everything personally- I end up feeling isolated when I'm really not. God has definitely made me to connect- it's my love language and career.
A short list of a few things I've learned:
1. Most people are just busy, they don't hate you
2. God can teach me really beautiful truths when I sit in that lonely place. He always has belonging in the forefront of His mind. Scripture tells me so.
3. Extroverts and introverts both struggle equally with loneliness. We can count on seasons of it. The question becomes- what is this season teaching me?
4. Friendships come and go. The going is painful but sometimes necessary. Really beautiful new relationships can form in that new space.
5. For married couples- those who have spouses that work at night, weekends, or travel- can really struggle with loneliness and it's so important to show up for them.
6. Single parents often feel left out and skipped over. It is life saving to ask what they need.
7. Saying the name of Jesus and praying scripture over a negative cycle of thoughts can bring you back to a place of belonging.
Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)
"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
xo