I was really on pace for being ahead of the game this Christmas. I was tracking, clicking, shipping, cooking, working....all the way to the best Christmas ever. Oh wait, that was a dream I had last week. That's not actually happening. I'm 16 days behind on my advent book. I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT. Somewhere between 4 with strep throat a couple weeks ago, 3 down with a violent stomach virus last week and today's case of pink eye, the perfection of my dreams seemed like a distant vision. My husband is working both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Yes, it is a blessing to have a job that he loves very much but it is really hard to have those conversations with our kids who really miss him and want him around on such special days. Those are hard tears for littles.
So, there we are. We are embarking then, on our kind of imperfect Christmas. This is one we have. This is the one where I get to dig in a little deeper, maybe ask for more help, do a little less so that I don't end up in the hospital with my husband :) and take some pressure off of my plate. I get to say, this is all I have for this one. This is my kids' Christmas with their daddy at 6 am and 8 pm, where my family says they'll be here to help me by coming early and staying late so that it's less lonely. This is the one that I can feel Jesus' really sweet grace a little more because he knows my tender heart about holidays. He knows that this is hard and that I'm tired. I was up 6 nights in a row last week with vomiting family members. Joy to the World. My little girl woke up yesterday with a fantastic case of pink eye. Peace on earth. But as I wrestled medicine into her little eye again, I felt overwhelmed with a sense of gratefulness that I had the medicine I needed for her to heal. His good gifts.
I am convinced, more than ever, that I am not here to experience the fullness of God's grace and plan of salvation through an easy life lived really well. In my haves and have nots, in my perfectly imperfect I think he shows up so that I can know how much I need Him. My struggles or disappointments aren't for entertainment, they are to grow me up. They shape me, let me see his tenderness toward me. What it really means to say, "I don't got this but He does". I'm thinking of the verses in Philippians where Paul says, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every sitution, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do ALL things through him who gives me strength."
Every year will be different I guess. That joke with a friend, that dinner with my besties, that lunch with my family, that movie with my littles, that wine with my husband...those things turn this ship around and into a harbor of calm waters so that I can be present and grateful. There are so many things to be grateful for. I hope your Christmas is full of those things. And in no way resemble my burnt pot of chicken enchilada soup that scorched while I was putting medicine in my daughter's eye.
Imperfect is......perfect. It reminds me. Jesus, thank you for coming. Merry Christmas!